I have sickle cell trait. I tried to express to my husband what the pain feels like during a recent crisis. I explained that it is a dull ache that has a certain rhythm (that does not correspond to my heartbeat), with a few sharp pangs thrown in for good measure. You can’t pinpoint the pain because it takes over the entire limb. Massaging helps until the acetaminophen or ibuprofen kicks in.
Although I explained things with what I thought was vocabular precision, he was still asking questions trying to get a better understanding of what I was going through. Which led me to reply: “I wish I could transfer this to you so you could understand.”
Now, there was no anger nor ill will attached to this statement. It was purely for the explanation of the situation. However, this transaction got me to wondering, just what emotion or feeling would I actually want to put on my hubby (or anyone) for them to comprehend what I was going through?
I knew right away that I would want him to feel my emotions behind being a mom: the stress I feel of raising my kid but feeling like a failure. His reply was sweet: that he would want me to feel the joy he feels. Although, he didn’t know from which source this joy would come — just that I could feel his happiness when he has it.
So, I went on a mission and started asking around. I wanted to know what feelings and/or emotions folks would wish on another person so that they could empathize with them. Here are a few of the answers:
* My annoyance when she interrupts me watching tv *The daily stress of being a mom to two toddlers *The strong desire to do good for others *My orgasm. I want my wife to experience mine, so she’ll want to have sex more often *My depression *The joy of flying business class *The buzz off a glass of Blue Moon with an orange slice *The pain of feeling unloved *The joy of a fun-filled weekend after a long week *The ecstatic feeling of walking onto the beach on the first day of vacation *My anxiety *My leg pain on my doctor so she can know who to refer me to for help *The stress of running the household since my husband became disabled *The comfort of hearing a song that precisely captures the way I feel *The peace of walking a trail with no one else but my dog
I was surprised at how happy folks were to share and how quickly they were able to answer. I feel like there is a lot of meaning behind that. Something that can be further explored in the future.
But in the meantime, what is your empathetic wish?
elesjackson 