Welcome to the Valley of Pits and Dimples

I went to an event over the weekend where everyone was dressed in business attire.  I am a people watcher, so during the noon break I sat back with my boxed lunch and watched folks mingle. I checked out what everyone was wearing as well.   (This coincides with one of my previous blogs “Dress to Impress” https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/friendly-influence/)

So you know I was checking out my fellow ladies to see what is trending in our fashion world.  Getting a good look at all the new styles I’ll be behind in catching onto.  (Another previous blog https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/fashion-failure-again-and-again-and-again-and/)   And I got to seeing young women in their dresses and the outline of their thongs underneath.  What tickled me was the smoothness of their cheeks under their skirts.  Before you get confused and wonder about my sexual preference, let me explain.

For you fellas, the original purpose of the thong was not for your erotic pleasure.  It was an accessory for us women so that the bulk of our pantyline would not show through our clothing.  Something I laugh at because I tend to see thong outlines now just as often as I see a panty outline!

Let me tell you of a recent experience I had and then we’ll get into these youngens and their smooth butt cheeks.  I was getting dressed for some other event recently and put on what I thought to be a pretty cute dress.  When inspecting myself before leaving, I looked at myself from behind and saw my pantyline. I have grown out of the causal use of a thong and now only wear them for their intended purpose.  No lascivious use here.  And this situation was cause for a thong.  After digging into the absolute bottom of my drawer, I finally found one that still fit (sort of) and put it on.  Re-checking myself in the mirror.  And that’s when I found other shapes and misfortunes protruding through the polyester/spandex combo material of my dress.  No longer is a pantyline the height of my fashion fears.  Now, I must try to hide the divots and craters that have infested my thighs and butt cheeks from cellulite!  Through my dress, a child could have the best time driving a toy car through the valleys of my butt!  So, where I felt I was making the choice to wear a thong only when necessary, it has now been a forced issue that I can no longer wear one at all!!  What accessory is going to be made to hide all of the butt dimples I have acquired?  I hope Bali and Maidenform will get with Home Depot to create a “Spackle Panty” that will hide these grooves in my backside.  So that I can feign a smooth bottom like I used to have.

This gets me back to the women I saw at the seminar over the weekend.  Yes, I admired your smooth cheeks as you walked by.  Because it made me remember the time when I could wear a thong and walk around with confidence that there was no sight of a pantyline and not even a thought of a dimple!  **sigh** It seems like just yesterday. You ladies: Google ‘how to avoid cellulite’ and don’t forget to add squats as part of your regular exercise routine.  I do not want you to end up taking longing looks at younger women’s butts in the future and sadly reminisce of better backsides and smoother buns…!

(Oh yeah, check out another blog I wrote before about my butt https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/unsexy-realization/)

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But, why?

I have a three and a half-year old. I have experienced the dreaded “terrible twos” which actually started earlier than two and extended beyond the threes. I’ll venture to say that they are just now starting to subside. Finally. And thank God for that!

I was always told about the “Why?” stage. That my child would bombard me everyday with ‘why’ questions. That I would grow tired of the endless questions like: “why can’t I have it?, why do I have to wear it, why is that blue?” I got myself ready for the endless questioning. But to my surprise, it never came. Sure, she would ask it every once in a while. But in a more controlled and understandable way. It actually made sense when she asked and it was easy to answer and/or explain her request.

But…! (you knew it was one coming, right?) I was never warned of the “Can I have…”stage. No one ever told me how bothersome this phrase would become because of the overuse of it. So I am here to educate you moms and dads of this displeasing and less often mentioned phase of childhood.

I don’t care what it is that I am doing or have in my hand, my child is asking if she can have it as well. I have never counted the number of times my child asks this throughout any given day. But I can tell you that the annoyance from it is considerable. Some things I understand her asking for. The typical things like snacks or treats. The unending request for candy!  But it starts to get out of control when she’s asking to have some of my heartburn medicine or some of the Bacitracin I’m putting on the cut in my nose!!

What is it about kids and them wanting any and everything you (or anyone else) have?!  My kid won’t even know what it is I’m rubbing on my arms, spraying in my hair or dropping in my eyes.  And it doesn’t even matter to her.  She must have it.  So, all day I am grieved to hear “Can I have some of that?”  “Can I taste it?”  “Can I smell that?”  “Can I have a flashlight?”  “Can I have some chapstick?”  “Can I have a rock?” I am sitting here and actually calling to mind a plethora of things this kid asks for throughout the day.  And I am strongly tempted to write them ALL in here.  Just in case you don’t have a child that has gone through this phase.  Or maybe you don’t have children at all!  Misery loves company and I’d love to share that long list of “Can I have’s” with you.  But I don’t want to lose you as a reader. So I better not. lol

I don’t know if my kid traded the ‘why?’ with ‘can I have?’ and that the irritation of both is the same. I can see that being the case. So, if you have been lucky enough to bypass either of these stages in your own children, sing your praises now and rejoice!  If not, brace yourself for it.  And if you have any warnings for me of any phases I’ve got in store–ones that aren’t abundantly mentioned (and kept secret) such as this one–please share it with me so I can be prepared!  Together, we parents can be triumphant!