The Joys of Teen Angst?

If you asked me if I would like to go back to being a teenager to experience that phase of life all over again, I would hesitate slightly before saying no.  The hesitation would be because of the health and energy I enjoyed as a teenager.  But the firm “no” would be because of the emotional ball of drama that I displayed.  The upset, tears and hormonal imbalance of being a teen is overwhelming!  (And I dread being a sad, unwilling participant when my kid goes through it)  The complete horror of not having the right shoe to set off an outfit or a hair coming out of place if the outfit was just right.  The complete devastation if your friend didn’t call you after school — although you just spent the entire day together.  The utter dismay of everything involving the person that you were crushing on.  As a teen, anything could have been the cause of serious emotional upheaval.  And who needs that?

But then again, if you try to take a counter view of it—when have you ever felt as passionate about anything? Why don’t we carry that same fervor for things ever again?

Wouldn’t it be great to feel for our current mate as we felt for that crush we had as a teen?  That every conscience moment was consumed with thoughts of them.  That you honestly felt that you would fade into nothing if you didn’t talk to them multiple times a day.  Remember how your entire body would respond to just feeling the heat of their bare arm next to you at the lunch table? No, not touching you—just next to you! Can you imagine the change in the state of marriages today if we all still had that kind of ardor?

What if our friendships were nurtured as well as they were when we were teens? Minus the immaturity, of course.  I can’t handle all that female backstabbing again.  But if we called our friends on the regular, talked about all of our hopes and dreams like we used to—lay bare all of our thoughts and fears—can you imagine the strong bonds we would have?   I wouldn’t want to feel that total devastation if a friend doesn’t text me back in a timely manner, but no longer holding back our innermost thoughts and being open books to our closest companion would be amazing.

I don’t think I would have the energy to be as emotional about my hair and clothes as I was back then, but I guess having a stronger interest in those areas would be nice!

Overall, I guess my point is that I wish I could copy some of those intense feelings I had as a teen.  To dream big.  To love harder.  To experience happy emotions with my entire being.  Take away the disquiet of the teen experience and you have a raw passion that is unfortunately lost as an adult.

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Mystery Man

My husband and I have been married for 13 years.  And sometimes he still surprises me.  No, I don’t mean in the “he brought me flowers” or “he went to Jared” type of way.  Although I do get a few of those on occasion.  But he surprises me at times when he becomes this other guy for other people.  I’ll call this guy Ethan.  No, Rick.  That sounds like a fun-loving guy, don’t you think?

So Rick comes out at different times.  Like, if we go out with his job for the occasional bru-ha-ha after work.  Or take his team out for dinner and drinks to keep the morale up for work.  I sometimes have to take a second look at him to realize who he is.  Let me explain such an occasion recently when we went to a baseball game with some friends.

Neither of us are big fans of any sport in particular.  But we may accept the one-off invite to go to a game here or there.  On this particular day, the weather was gorgeous.  Breezy, balmy and the sun was out but not too intimidating.  Although the weather was acting perfect, he and I were on separate moons that day.  Not arguing or bickering.  But just not meshing and flowing either.  If you’re married, I’m sure you know that sort of day.  But I promise I won’t let that sway my opinions of this event.

So, we get in the car to meet the group at a friend’s house.  On the way there, I notice just how quiet we are.  I’m a talker.  I love to talk.  So I notice the lack of conversation.  No small talk.  Nothing to fill the silence.  But this is my husband.  He gets like this.  And I accept it.  (Lord only knows the things he “accepts” of me.  I’m scared to wonder.)  We arrive at the friend’s home to a house full of folks.  Already started drinking with music playing.  A huge smile settles on my husband’s face and I know immediately I am seeing the first signs of Rick.  After all the arrangements are made as to who was driving and who was riding with whom, we loaded into the cars for the trip to the stadium.  I was forced into the third row of a huge Chevy Tahoe with a wife I’ve spoken to only in passing over the years. But I am sitting behind Rick who is now in full force.  Talking, making conversation, asking questions to the group at the front of the car.  Laughing, joking and being what I’d call charming.  Once inside the stadium, he is focused on being such a people pleaser that he loses me in the chaos of folks entering to see the game.  And he barely notices until all the other husbands are walking in with their wives and making sure they have their tickets together.  This may be the one flaw Rick has.

The group of us are now at our seats.  My husband–oh I’m sorry, I mean Rick–begins to chat it up profusely with one of the couples sitting beside him.  Again, asking interest arousing questions, making jokes.  Showing this conversational side that I only get to witness every once in a while.  I’m at a disadvantage because I can’t hear most of the conversation going on between he and them.  And the couple on my side are busy talking to the other side of the group on their end.  So I’m sort of left out.  But that’s not the purpose of this blog.  To complain about me sitting at a boring baseball game in perfect weather, surrounded by thousands with absolutely no one to talk to.  No, that’s not what this is about.  This is about this guy Rick that I meet every once in a while who I think I may like to get to know a little better by seeing more often. Although I’m not altogether sure of this. I’d love to see what relationship he and I would have if we met alone some time.  (Maybe while driving in the car to some friends house to go to a game or something.)

But let me finish telling you about Rick that evening.  As always, Rick throws one liners and talks about topics I didn’t even know was part of his repertoire.  Rick buys rounds of beer for all the fellas and even drinks it himself.  (Something my husband never requests on the grocery list app we synced up on our phones.) He even has a beer preference!  (Ha!  Who knew?!)  And let me tell you the absolute best part.  We were put on the jumbo tron at the game!  Although they show folks time after time after time during the entire game, I for one have never been on there.  And I must say have never talked to someone who has been on it.  (Are we sure they don’t just continue to play old footage of games from ’94 and that’s why we know no one on there?) But to our surprise, the camera guy came to our section and taped us!  The entire group was amazed and so excited!  Screaming and waving at the camera and holding up their beers in mock celebration.  (Because our team lost horribly.) You want to know what Rick did?  Well, I’m gonna tell you.  Rick pulled up his shirt and aired all 250 pounds of his round belly to the fan-filled stadium! Isn’t Rick silly?  My husband would never do those things.  He’s a relatively reserved guy.  But these are the things that Rick does.  You never know what he’s going to do or say next.

Well now it’s time for us to go home.  And no one else notices it, but I can see Rick starting to disappear.  He’s still there mind you, but not as much.  He is still laughing and talking and throwing in digs as if timed beforehand.  But as his estranged wife, I can see Rick starting to step back into the shadows.  We say our goodbyes and give hugs with promises to do this again soon and get back into our car.  The man in the driver seat lets out a long, wide yawn and says something about being too old to stay out this late anymore.  And with that, Rick is gone.  We don’t ride home in silence this time.  The excitement of just being out in the fresh air and the fun of being on a jumbo tron for our first time coupled with relaxing effects of the beer, we are beginning to mesh a little bit.  So we talk.  But we talk about aching legs from the walk to the stadium from the parking lot, how much it cost for our wings and fries–noticing we could have went to Ruth Chris for the same amount we paid for fast food.  You know, the basic conversation of husband and wife.  Nope, I’m not complaining one bit.  As stated, I love to talk.  I’ll make conversation about anything.  I just wonder if these are things Rick would have talked about if he were there.