Welcome to the Valley of Pits and Dimples

I went to an event over the weekend where everyone was dressed in business attire.  I am a people watcher, so during the noon break I sat back with my boxed lunch and watched folks mingle. I checked out what everyone was wearing as well.   (This coincides with one of my previous blogs “Dress to Impress” https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2013/02/08/friendly-influence/)

So you know I was checking out my fellow ladies to see what is trending in our fashion world.  Getting a good look at all the new styles I’ll be behind in catching onto.  (Another previous blog https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2013/03/28/fashion-failure-again-and-again-and-again-and/)   And I got to seeing young women in their dresses and the outline of their thongs underneath.  What tickled me was the smoothness of their cheeks under their skirts.  Before you get confused and wonder about my sexual preference, let me explain.

For you fellas, the original purpose of the thong was not for your erotic pleasure.  It was an accessory for us women so that the bulk of our pantyline would not show through our clothing.  Something I laugh at because I tend to see thong outlines now just as often as I see a panty outline!

Let me tell you of a recent experience I had and then we’ll get into these youngens and their smooth butt cheeks.  I was getting dressed for some other event recently and put on what I thought to be a pretty cute dress.  When inspecting myself before leaving, I looked at myself from behind and saw my pantyline. I have grown out of the causal use of a thong and now only wear them for their intended purpose.  No lascivious use here.  And this situation was cause for a thong.  After digging into the absolute bottom of my drawer, I finally found one that still fit (sort of) and put it on.  Re-checking myself in the mirror.  And that’s when I found other shapes and misfortunes protruding through the polyester/spandex combo material of my dress.  No longer is a pantyline the height of my fashion fears.  Now, I must try to hide the divots and craters that have infested my thighs and butt cheeks from cellulite!  Through my dress, a child could have the best time driving a toy car through the valleys of my butt!  So, where I felt I was making the choice to wear a thong only when necessary, it has now been a forced issue that I can no longer wear one at all!!  What accessory is going to be made to hide all of the butt dimples I have acquired?  I hope Bali and Maidenform will get with Home Depot to create a “Spackle Panty” that will hide these grooves in my backside.  So that I can feign a smooth bottom like I used to have.

This gets me back to the women I saw at the seminar over the weekend.  Yes, I admired your smooth cheeks as you walked by.  Because it made me remember the time when I could wear a thong and walk around with confidence that there was no sight of a pantyline and not even a thought of a dimple!  **sigh** It seems like just yesterday. You ladies: Google ‘how to avoid cellulite’ and don’t forget to add squats as part of your regular exercise routine.  I do not want you to end up taking longing looks at younger women’s butts in the future and sadly reminisce of better backsides and smoother buns…!

(Oh yeah, check out another blog I wrote before about my butt https://elesjackson.wordpress.com/2012/07/16/unsexy-realization/)

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Fashion Failure again, and again, and again, and…

I just need to vent. I don’t know what my problem is. I have no clue why I am such a fashion misfit. And why I won’t spend the time to correct it! I get in these moods where all I want is to match a great dress with the perfect shoe, wear a cute shirt with nice jeans and all the right accessories or just put together a banging outfit. But I still end up walking out the house wearing jeans from under the bed and a pajama top!!
Right now I am so annoyed with myself because I have once again let a season go by without wearing the awesome clothes I bought for the winter!!! Let me explain what I do. I’ll go shopping one day and see something that I think is really cute. The problem is that I’m not sure what to match it with or whether it goes better with jeans or a skirt. But I get it because it has potential to someday make me look hot! I take it home, and then put it in my closet and that is where it sits for months. And I really do mean months! Years even. Like I said, seasons pass and these items sit in my closet longing to be worn. But as I also stated, I don’t take the time to figure out what I’m supposed to do with these things! I wait until one day when it just comes to me what to do. Or I’m so fed up with seeing it sit there that I just grab it and wear it with whatever. I’ve kept things on the shelves in my closet for so long that it started to go out of style before I’ve even worn it once!! Pathetic isn’t it?!
I tend to shy away from trendy items. Again, because I either don’t think they will look right on me, or I can’t think of the right way to put it together. Then after months of seeing the item, I’ll finally decide it’s not that hard to wear a scarf around my neck or to mismatch bangles on my wrist and finally give in to the trend. But what is with this hesitation I have? It is really so annoying.
I hate winter. I think I suffer from SAD. And I am so happy, every year, to see it leave. However, I am just now settling into good ideas for outfits in this winter weather! I’ve just found a cute pair of brown leggings that match these awesome boots I just bought. So that automatically gives me three cute outfits I could wear. I also just found some sweater stockings in my closet that I bought last winter that were supposed to hook up some really cute something (still never quite figured out what to do with those) that I’ve never worn. So this will now mark two winters that these stockings have sat unopened! Oh! And those other super hot boots I bought at a great deal?–Yeah–Just found the perfect skirt and jacket that will set them off!! So now I’m actually mad that there is no snow on the ground for me to wear this outfit!! So I’ll have to yet again wait eight months before I can wear the boots, the outfits and the sweater stockings! And you know by next winter I’m going to forget what the heck I planned to do with all of these items, right?!!!

Unsexy Realization

So, I have a question for you.  When did you realize that you look nothing how you’ve imagined yourself?  Have you gotten there yet?  Did it hit you years ago?  Is it a manifestation of a mid-life crisis ?

My demise came a few months ago.  My daughter was “graduating” from her Little Gym class and my family all came up to help us celebrate.  Video cameras and all.  Yes.  Video cameras.  Who knew that a fun family event would turn into a sad source of a memory for me?

I have what I’ve always considered to be a cute and fashionable jogging suit that I frequently wear when I need to be comfortable yet still want to look in style.  I got it from Victoria’s Secret.  Let me here mention that my body habitus in no way resembles a model from that company!  But I swear there must be something on those pages that gets etched in your mind that makes you feel–no, makes you think–that you don’t look like them, yet you don’t look far from them either.  Perhaps their “sexiness” in the outfit you buy lingers in your minds eye and then that’s the only thing you see.  Even when you put it on and stand in front of a mirror!  I don’t know.  But as stated, this was my ‘go to’ jogging suit.  And I wore it for my daughter’s little shindig.  Needless to say, those horrible cameras my husband and father had nerve to bring, captured a side of me that I thought looked A LOT different.  It was in those videos that I saw the real me.  From behind!!!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t looked into the mirror and inspected my backside before.  Who doesn’t?  But still, what I saw surprised me.  It shouldn’t have–but it did.  I come from a long line of inherited square booties.  My mom has a square-shaped booty, one of my aunts had a square-shaped booty.  Her daughter, my cousin, has a square shape. And sadly, my sister has the square!  Boy how I would “tsk” at her as she walked by me.  Sad that she was unfortunate to inherit the infamous square!!  Little did I know I’d be sporting it soon enough myself!  To be fair, I have no idea when the square actually showed up!  (Dear God has it been there this entire time?!) I had always checked out my butt when I got dressed, after a shower, at all the usual times one does it.  And never did I realize that it was not heart-shaped.  Well, let me not lie–I did realize it wasn’t heart-shaped, but believe me, it wasn’t a square either!  You do believe me, don’t you?

Watching that video totally changed everything I felt about myself.  I used to saunter past guys and not worry at all about what they were going to see when I went by. No, I didn’t flaunt it at all. But I wasn’t ashamed of it either.  I wasn’t nervous wondering if they were going to be checking me out as I strutted on.  But now, after seeing that video of myself, I want nothing more than to walk backwards away from folks.  Male AND female for crying out loud!!

So let me just tell you that I have come to a definite new idea of myself.  Sadly it is not a good nor happy one.  I am still trying to come to grips with it all.  Because it for sure took me by surprise.  And all thanks to a two-year old needing a recording of her graduation on learning how to do a roll.  (or somersault as they called it there)  Curses to my husband and father for bringing those wretched cameras!!  (Who ever invented those horrible things anyway?!)

In conclusion, beware those mirrors, folks!  They do not show you truly what others see.  My suggestion, have someone video tape you before you go anywhere and play it back before you walk out the door!!!  Be 100% sure you know what everyone else is going to see before you leave!!

You have been warned!!!