So, I have a question for you. When did you realize that you look nothing how you’ve imagined yourself? Have you gotten there yet? Did it hit you years ago? Is it a manifestation of a mid-life crisis ?
My demise came a few months ago. My daughter was “graduating” from her Little Gym class and my family all came up to help us celebrate. Video cameras and all. Yes. Video cameras. Who knew that a fun family event would turn into a sad source of a memory for me?
I have what I’ve always considered to be a cute and fashionable jogging suit that I frequently wear when I need to be comfortable yet still want to look in style. I got it from Victoria’s Secret. Let me here mention that my body habitus in no way resembles a model from that company! But I swear there must be something on those pages that gets etched in your mind that makes you feel–no, makes you think–that you don’t look like them, yet you don’t look far from them either. Perhaps their “sexiness” in the outfit you buy lingers in your minds eye and then that’s the only thing you see. Even when you put it on and stand in front of a mirror! I don’t know. But as stated, this was my ‘go to’ jogging suit. And I wore it for my daughter’s little shindig. Needless to say, those horrible cameras my husband and father had nerve to bring, captured a side of me that I thought looked A LOT different. It was in those videos that I saw the real me. From behind!!!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I haven’t looked into the mirror and inspected my backside before. Who doesn’t? But still, what I saw surprised me. It shouldn’t have–but it did. I come from a long line of inherited square booties. My mom has a square-shaped booty, one of my aunts had a square-shaped booty. Her daughter, my cousin, has a square shape. And sadly, my sister has the square! Boy how I would “tsk” at her as she walked by me. Sad that she was unfortunate to inherit the infamous square!! Little did I know I’d be sporting it soon enough myself! To be fair, I have no idea when the square actually showed up! (Dear God has it been there this entire time?!) I had always checked out my butt when I got dressed, after a shower, at all the usual times one does it. And never did I realize that it was not heart-shaped. Well, let me not lie–I did realize it wasn’t heart-shaped, but believe me, it wasn’t a square either! You do believe me, don’t you?
Watching that video totally changed everything I felt about myself. I used to saunter past guys and not worry at all about what they were going to see when I went by. No, I didn’t flaunt it at all. But I wasn’t ashamed of it either. I wasn’t nervous wondering if they were going to be checking me out as I strutted on. But now, after seeing that video of myself, I want nothing more than to walk backwards away from folks. Male AND female for crying out loud!!
So let me just tell you that I have come to a definite new idea of myself. Sadly it is not a good nor happy one. I am still trying to come to grips with it all. Because it for sure took me by surprise. And all thanks to a two-year old needing a recording of her graduation on learning how to do a roll. (or somersault as they called it there) Curses to my husband and father for bringing those wretched cameras!! (Who ever invented those horrible things anyway?!)
In conclusion, beware those mirrors, folks! They do not show you truly what others see. My suggestion, have someone video tape you before you go anywhere and play it back before you walk out the door!!! Be 100% sure you know what everyone else is going to see before you leave!!
You have been warned!!!